HOLOTA: All washed up with this domestic chore

We’ve had some fun with man-woman roles and stereotyping here the past few weeks.

One of the focus points has been on domestic chores. Many women would like to see their men do more household tasks – or in some cases, do at least one.

Me, I’m a do’er. I do meals, I do dishes. I do dusting. I pretty much do it all.

What I do not do is laundry, due to a particular incident several years ago.

More on that later.

I pause at this point to note that my daughter often follows in her dad’s footsteps.

In this case, why do two or three loads when you can accomplish everything in one industrial-sized effort?

Now, as proud as I am of my girl, there is a flaw in that logic, as I eventually came to discover. And I recently had to explain this to my dear teen, who had bulldozed out her bedroom, and hauled upstairs the equivalent of two moving trucks full of dirty laundry. Or, to be more accurate, what falls within her definition of dirty laundry – and that includes all articles of clothing that have been worn once, may have been worn once, or are likely to be worn once in the near future.

I have yet to successfully communicate to her the labour and environmental consequences of her selection process.

In any event, I was drawn to the laundry room due to the peculiar sounds of mechanical distress emanating from within.

Seems the washing machine was loaded to the gagging point, and was gasping and huffing to move the vast bale of wet clothing it contained.

With some mild expletives, I relieved the poor metal beast of about 50 pounds of soggy clothes, patted its porcelain flanks, and set it back to work. Then I went in search of the young perpetrator for an “educational chat.”

It took me back to the grim incident which caused my wife to similarly chastise me for my laundry transgressions, and ultimately bar me from using said equipment.

In a heavy-duty cleaning fit, I had noted the mountain of clothing heaped in the laundry room, bunged it all into the machine, added some soap, and left it to its own devices. It somehow slogged itself through to the final spin cycle, and that’s when the bad news became apparent.

There is a rule of laundering that says thou shalt not place women’s sweaters in with other fuzzy things, such as towels. The sweaters are magnets for stray, water-borne fibres, which adhere with fierce tenacity in the form of tiny fuzzy balls.

It took me a whole night of picking off little fuzzy balls to return those sweaters to something resembling their original condition, albeit a size or two smaller. Hmmm….

There was also the issue of the nylon tights. Turns out those don’t go into the washer either.

I could certainly see why. When one machine-washes a whole bunch of tights together, they intertwine like worms in a bucket.

And talk about knots!

I’ve untangled some dillies of fishing line snarls in my time, but nothing compared to those tights.

My wife was fit to be tied, so to speak.

And then there was a subsequent small incident in which I got some paint on one of my good pullovers. I cleaned it off with a petroleum-based thinner, and popped it in the washer.

Well, it didn’t take long for the washing machine – and the entire laundry room – to smell like the wreck of the Exxon Valdez.

My wife was so hot she could have set off the fumes in that room.

And that, my friends, was the end of my laundry-doing days.

In retrospect, it all worked out rather well, I think.

Andrew Holota is the editor of The Abbotsford News.


Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Abbotsford’s Kris Collins turned to TikTok out of boredom when the provincial COVID-19 lockdown began in March 2020. She now has over 23 million followers on the video app. Photo: Submitted
Internet famous: Abbotsford’s Kris Collins is a TikTok comedy queen

Collins has found surprise stardom alone with a phone

Several Abbotsford citizens and athletes have participated in the SOBC’s Polar Plunge fundraiser campaign. (Facebook photo)
Abbotsford residents taking the Polar Plunge for SOBC

Local Michelle Hill jumping into Albert Dyck Park on Saturday, several others also taking part

Passengers aboard Komagata Maru in Vancouver’s Burrard Inlet, 1914 - Library and Archives Canada image
Abbotsford council is asked to rename street in memory of Komagata Maru victims

Most of 376 the passengers aboard ship were denied entry into Canada in 1914

Last year’s Gift of Love Gala for Canuck Place Children’s Hospice was held Feb. 29, 2020 at Abbotsford Centre. The 2021 version goes virtual. (File photo by Lindsay Elliott)
Gift of Love Gala for Canuck Place goes virtual for 2021

Event normally held in Abbotsford each year takes place online on Feb. 27

A conceptual drawing shows the plans for a new transit exchange on Montrose Avenue, looking north from McDougall Avenue.
City of Abbotsford seeks federal funding for Montrose transit exchange

BC Transit to apply for grant to cover 80% of estimated $5.2 million cost

Dr. Bonnie Henry leaves the podium after talking about the next steps in B.C.’s COVID-19 Immunization Plan during a press conference at Legislature in Victoria, B.C., on Friday, January 22, 2021. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Chad Hipolito
COVID: 589 new cases in B.C., and 7 new deaths

No new outbreaks being reported Feb. 26

BC Ferries experienced heavy traffic on Feb. 27 following cancellations the day before due to strong winds and adverse weather. (Black Press Media file photo)
BC Ferries sailings fill up quickly after Friday cancellations due to high winds

Waits expected on Swartz Bay-Tsawwassen route, Horseshoe Bay-Departure Bay route

Pig races at the 145th annual Chilliwack Fair on Aug. 12, 2017. Monday, March 1, 2021 is Pig Day. (Jenna Hauck/ Chilliwack Progress file)
Unofficial holidays: Here’s what people are celebrating for the week of Feb. 28 to March 6

Pig Day, Canadian Bacon Day and Grammar Day are all coming up this week

Staff from the Marine Mammal Rescue Centre, passersby, RCMP and Nanaimo Fire Rescue carried a sick 300-kilogram steller sea lion up the steep bluff at Invermere Beach in north Nanaimo in an attempt to save the animal’s life Thursday. (Photo courtesy Marine Mammal Rescue Centre)
300-kilogram sea lion muscled up from B.C. beach in rescue attempt

Animal dies despite efforts of Nanaimo marine mammal rescue team, emergency personnel and bystanders

Doctors and counsellors warn of an increase in panic attacks, anxiety, depression and suicide ideas between ages 10 to 14, in Campbell River. ( Black Press file photo)
Extended pandemic feeding the anxieties of B.C.’s youth

Parents not sure what to do, urged to reach out for help

Kara Sorensen, diagnosed with lung cancer in July, says it’s important for people to view her as healthy and vibrant, rather than sick. (Photo courtesy of Karen Sorensen)
B.C. woman must seek treatment overseas for inoperable lung cancer

Fundraising page launched on Karen Sorensen’s behalf, with a goal of $250,000

Cannabis bought in British Columbia (Ashley Wadhwani/Black Press Media)
Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

Gina Adams as she works on her latest piece titled ‘Undying Love’. (Submitted photo)
‘Toothless’ the kitty inspires B.C. wood carver to break out the chainsaw

Inspired by plight of a toothless cat, Gina Adams offers proceeds from her artwork to help animals

B.C. Finance Minister Selina Robinson presents bill to delay B.C.’s budget as late as April 30, and allow further spending before that, B.C. legislature, Dec. 8, 2020. (Hansard TV)
How big is B.C.’s COVID-19 deficit? We’ll find out April 20

More borrowing expected as pandemic enters second year

Most Read