Understanding what love is all about

Understanding what love is all about

'Love is a funny thing. We say it a lot, but without a giving of oneself, it remains self-centered and shallow'

By Dave SCHAPANSKY

Post-Valentine’s Day, most of us guys slip back to our iPhones, tool belts and truck cabs to “bring home the bacon.”

I cannot help but notice a significant shift in priorities from yesterday (my wife) to today (my work, RRSPs and crammed email inbox) and this has bothered me.

It hasn’t always bothered me in our 39 years of Valentine’s Days, but only in the last decade or so have I chosen to do something about it.

Love is a funny thing. We say it a lot, but without a giving of oneself, it remains self-centered and shallow.

We might say we love our close friends, but do we give ourselves to help them on their moving day?

Or are we conveniently busy? How much more would I do for my wife whom I say I love more than anyone? Do I give all of myself to her like the Bible says?

In our marriage, it started as a give-and-take relationship, she gave and I took.

The more she gave, the more I took.

Oh sure, I could pour it on for a Valentine’s Day or a surprise holiday, but this seemed a little hollow because I lacked the true understanding what love was all about.

Only when I did learn to give and pour into my wife’s life did I come to know the true love that God had for our marriage.

It began with my practical help in small daily tasks (which surprised the daylights out of her), then gradually my heart turned towards her deep needs, which took priority over my own selfishness.

The love I always felt actually sprang into actions.

In spite of my late start, our last 10 years of marriage have been way better than our first 10 years and I am now thinking the best is yet to come.

Dave Schapansky is a pastor at HillCity Church. You can reach him at daves@hillcity.ca