COLUMN: The ‘virtue’ of good communication

Last week, we learned that American television is interested in virgins – actually, four in particular, all of whom hail from Abbotsford.

Last week, we learned that American television is interested in virgins – actually, four in particular, all of whom hail from Abbotsford.

Keep your jokes to yourself… It seems a couple of U.S. TV networks find it rather fascinating these four 20-somethings would a) still be virgins, or reasonable facsimile thereof; b) admit it; and c) write a blog about the whole concept of saving oneself for marriage. It is unusual in this day and age, one has to admit.

We are bombarded daily with sexually charged marketing and entertainment. And in that context, the concept of abstinence prior to marriage does pose a contrast of values.

I recall as a teenager, I was not a fan of virginity – mine, or whatever lovely lady I had designs on. In fact, I found the condition to be virtually insurmountable for some time.

Marriage being the gateway to physical relations was nowhere on the personal radar. Clearly, I did not appreciate what the parents had instilled in those good gals, nor their personal commitment to the cause.

Now, as the father of a 14-year-old daughter who is increasingly becoming the apple of a host of young male eyes, I heartily endorse all aforementioned traditional institutions, up to and including segregation of the genders until at least university age. (OK, maybe the latter is a little over the top for contemporary society.)

Hypocritical? Hey, when it comes to parenting, it’s do as I say, not as I did.

Kidding aside, it’s interesting how one’s outlook often changes with parenthood. As I discovered a long time ago, one of the great challenges in fatherhood is explaining to one’s little girl the mystery of boys, which is entirely different than the mystery of girls, which is still pretty much a mystery to me.

There’s the basic instinct of protecting your daughter from all and sundry, while preparing her for the world. In that respect, it should be simple enough. Demonize the entire male population, and the issue is addressed! Wait a minute, though; that would include me. OK, can’t have that. And it might have detrimental effects on her relationships, like when she’s 30 or thereabouts.

So you have to approach this whole topic of virtue carefully. Especially when she relates the alarming progress some of her colleagues are making in terms of the first kiss, and other such early contact. It’s a delicate topic that cannot be handled by locating the young gentlemen, and scaring their emerging hormones into remission.Clearly, with good guidance, the girls can deal with it better.

I recall with fond amusement a scenario that occurred many years back. Anna happened to mention that some of the boys who played soccer at lunch wanted her and her friends to be cheerleaders for them.

I sagely pointed out that she and her friends also play soccer, and if the boys wanted the girls to cheer them on during their game, they should be willing to do the same when the girls play. She agreed that was an equitable arrangement.

So, the next day I followed up. What did the boys say?

“Well, first it was no, no and no. Then they did a chicken dance. Then they made cow noises. And then finally, I think we were starting to communicate with them!”

I didn’t have the heart at the time to tell her it doesn’t get much easier as she gets older. The good news is, there are some fine fellows out there. It’s just a matter of finding one. Don’t suppose you’d want my help with that…?

Get local stories you won't find anywhere else right to your inbox.
Sign up here

Just Posted

Chilliwack-Kent MLA Laurie Throness watches the results on election night. The ex-Liberal’s tumultuous campaign and the narrow margin for victory ahead of the mail-in ballot count leaves the future of the riding’s seat in limbo for at least the next week. (Facebook/Laurie Throness)
B.C. VOTES 2020: Future for incumbent Throness uncertain as riding awaits results

Chilliwack-Kent candidate hopeful, resigned waiting on final count

Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash
Trick-or-treat drive-thru takes place at Tradex in Abbotsford

Treats and giveaways handed out at event on Saturday, Oct. 31

The Abbotsford Trail Running Club has transformed the Valley Vertikiller into the Valley Verticuddler for 2020. (Matt Bolam photo)
Abbotsford Trail Running Club transforms Valley Vertikiller into Verticuddler for 2020

Local club has raised close to $3,000 for Central Fraser Valley Search and Rescue with event

File Photo
COVID-19 outbreak declared at Agassiz Seniors Community

First declared outbreak in Agassiz-Harrison since pandemic began

The family and friends of Abbotsford resident Kaitlyn Cassels have launched a GoFundMe for her after she suffered serious injuries following a bad fall on Thursday night. (Submitted)
GoFundMe created for Abbotsford woman after horrible fall

19-year-old Kaitlyn Cassels suffers many injuries after falling 27 feet off Agassiz-Rosedale Bridge

FILE – Provincial Health Officer Dr. Bonnie Henry provides the latest update on the COVID-19 pandemic in the province during a press conference in the press theatre at Legislature in Victoria, B.C., on Thursday, October 22, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Chad Hipolito
B.C. shatters COVID-19 records with 817 weekend cases; masks now expected indoors

Three people have died over the past three reporting periods

Aaliyah Rosa. File photo
Crown says murder of seven-year-old in Langley was planned, deliberate

The trial of KerryAnn Lewis began Monday in New Westminster

B.C. Provincial Health Officer Dr. Bonnie Henry. (B.C. government photo)
Unnamed school in Fraser Health region closed due to COVID-19

Closure announced by Dr. Bonnie Henry during daily briefing

RCMP have released more details regarding what led up to an arrest caught on video in Williams Lake Sunday, Oct. 26. (Facebook video screenshot)
Review launched after ‘high-risk, multi-jurisdictional’ chase, arrest in Williams Lake

RCMP launching a full review and code of conduct investigation

Join Black Press Media and Do Some Good

Pay it Forward program supports local businesses in their community giving

(Pxfuel)
B.C. limits events in private homes to household, plus ‘safe six’ amid COVID-19 surge

Henry issued a public health order limiting private gatherings to one household, plus a group of ‘safe six’ only

Is it time to start thinking about greener ways to package cannabis?

Packaging suppliers are still figuring eco-friendly and affordable packaging options that fit the mandates of Cannabis Regulations

B.C. Liberal Leader Andrew Wilkinson speaks during a drive-in car rally campaign stop at a tour bus operator, in Delta, Saturday, Oct. 17, 2020. THE CANADIAN PRESS/Darryl Dyck
Andrew Wilkinson stepping down as B.C. Liberal leader

Will stay on until the next party leader is chosen

VicPD and B.C. Conservation Officer Service teamed up to free two bucks who were entangled in a fishing net and dragging a wheelbarrow sized piece of driftwood behind them. (VicPD)
VIDEO: Police, B.C. Conservation help two bucks caught in one fishing net

Bucks were also dragging a wheelbarrow sized piece of driftwood behind them

Most Read